parenting

Friday: Am still staying at my parents place. Second week running.

Was looking at my photos of my parents' trip to Melbourne earlier this year for my brother's convocation.
And i looked at my parents' faces in the photos...they looked older. It's undeniable.
My mum's once-bright and twinkling, kind eyes have somehow grown smaller and more wrinkled.
She also looks more pale and subdued in the photos than she does in person.
My dad looks quiet and reserved as usual, but his eyes also reveal the years and fatigue.
The eyes just don't lie, do they?

And it kinda pained me a little.
Photos are just so damn revealing.
My parents look every inch the picture of health in person.
For goodness sake, my mum can probably last longer thru a kickboxing class than me.
And my dad has just picked up golf, so he is quite the rejuvenated man.
In all fairness, they're pretty healthy and engaged mid-lifers.

But i see them slogging away everyday and it grates.
I see the love, kindness, and age in their eyes. And it hurts.
For all that they give and do, they ought to be living it up in comfort and grace.
But instead, they face work stress, pressures to keep up with their younger colleagues, pressure to keep up with technology and society, old age + deteriorating health in the face.

They gave their whole lives to us - for our welfare, comfort, education & happiness.
How do people do this? Give and give and give their whole lives away?
Can i ever be like that for my child?
Can i ever sacrifice so much?

My parents have taught me, thru example, everything i need to know.
That consistency is the most underrated thing.
To always be generous in spirit and in act.
To be resourceful, independent, self-sufficient and excellent in all I do.
To put family first - before myself, work, friends and all selfish, lofty ideals.
To not flaunt & flash, but simply make do with necessities.
The importance of money, and saving, growing it constantly.
The importance of education and eloquence, and to be graceful in thought and deed.
To plan for rainy days, and the future.
To believe.

I cannot be more different from them.
I'm lazy, impatient, extravagant, fidgety, spoilt and restless.
But looking at them, i continue trying and learning.
They haven't stopped doing what they do.
And everyday, they still teach us by simply going about their lives.
They seldom 'teach' us anything or preach and nag.
All they do is show us how to live our lives by living theirs well and right.

I think this is the best way to teach ur kids.
It is true that kids learn best from what they see, not what they hear.
I hope i can bring up my child the right way too.

That i will make it a point to have dinner at the table together everyday, and not just preach that it's good for a family to eat together.
That we will eat simple home-cooked fare, so that he will always find outside food too oily, salty, unfamiliar and second-best.
That the best things in life are sometimes free, as when we run together, go for a drive or do simple things at home.
That home is where the heart truly is.
That there will always be food, comfort, peace and love at home.
That home beats any foreign country, disco, nightclub or shopping centre.
That i work as hard as he studies.
That he lives his life with integrity, honesty, kindness and humility.
That he will see me save on new things, and i may tell him, like my dad told me about his ugly 20-year-old CASIO watch, "it's still working, i don't need a new one."
(though admittedly, this one is gonna be particularly tough for me)

That he has every chance and reason in the world to be brilliant and spectacular, cos he will have our support and love.

But though my parents' eyes look aged and tired, they reflect a life lived without regrets.
You can see it there in the eyes and soul.
They have done everything and left no stones unturned throughout their parenting.
There may be mistakes along the way, but those eyes betray no regrets.
You can tell that the graduation is a day they have been expecting and waiting for.
There's no surprise --just pride, relief and simple contentment in those eyes.
For all they do, their only desire is for us to graduate from university and start our adult lives on the right note.

They have done the downright difficult and impossible things for love.
This is true unconditional love.
I've always believed the only unconditional love out there is the parental type.

I'm not ready for this - motherhood, parenthood, whatever u call it.
It seems like the beginning of a journey that may never end.
But i will try my darn best to emulate what my parents did for me.
To give my child what I was given.