Marco's fever

Marco had serious fever last nite.
I think it was the highest I'd seen in a while, beating my own recent bout.
38.8 degrees. Scared me in the middle of the nite.
His whole body was like, scorching hot.

But the interesting thing about kids is... they are still so happy even when ill.
They may be a bit subdued & needy/clingy, but you have to be their mum to notice.
Anyone else will think they are fine, playing and still in good spirits.
We adults pale in comparison.

By the afternoon though, he seemed slightly better.
His body temperature felt more normal to the touch and i was relieved.

At the back of my head, i was thinking:
"Thank goodness i'm not working today. If not, what would i have done? Rushed home in the middle of work? Be all distracted/moody/guilty at work? Can't imagine!!!"

"If you want to make God laugh, make plans."

- old proverb

The kinda dress/layering I really like.
I'm looking for something like that.




Delicious Lanvin dresses, Spring 09.
So luxe, so dreamy... so luxurious.
And those red T-bar shoes.... to die for!!!




I think Blake Lively is divine.

In another life, i wanna look like that!!!

Not Complaining

Today kinda showed me, subtly, what it'll be like if I were a full-time mom.
It wasn't a lousy day, or even bad in any way.
Just... exhausting and very very testing.
It actually made me feel thankful to have a job.
It made me feel blessed that i have days like these, as well as days in the office to balance up life.

Marco was just being a totally typical toddler today.
But i wasn't being a typical mom.
My patience was running out and he just needed SO MUCH attention.
He needs you to answer his every whine, respond to his every call, accompany him on everything he wanna check out.
It's so exhausting!
The irony? I had a full solid 12-hour sleep the nite before.
On an average day, i would have lasted till the wee hours.
But by 7pm, i was ready to tear my hair out and collapse on the bed.
Total K-O!

Yes, motherhood is so depleting.
It is the hardest job in the world, cos there's no switching off.
There's no lunch "break", no coffee times, no clock-in/clock-out.
Maybe a wee time-out when he takes a nap, but mostly even then, you are busy preparing for stuff for when he wakes up again.

Maybe that's the difference between a job and a role.
Mothering is a role. You are it, 24/7, rest of your living years.
Maybe the only reason we can do our job is cos, it's just a job.
We're ultimately detached from it.
Nothing will collapse if we quit/lose our jobs (except financially maybe).
It's not our whole life.

What an epiphany from a loooong day.

Meme

Rules:
It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real; nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.


1. What is your name : May
2. A four Letter Word : muse
3. A boy's Name : Michael
4. A girl's Name : Mikaela
5. An occupation : Milkman (is this extinct??!!)
6. A color : Maroon
7. Something you'll wear : Marc Jacobs
9. A food : Mushrooms & melons
10. Something found in the bathroom: Moisturiser
11. A place : Michigan
12. A reason for being late : Mothering
13. Something you'd shout : Moi!
14. A movie title : Marley & Me
15. Something you drink : Milk
16. A musical group : Morrissey
17. An animal : Moo.....
18. A street name : Margaret Drive
19. A type of car : Mazda
20. The title of a song : Monday blues

Marley & Me

Watched Marley & Me last nite.
Such a corny movie, isn't it? But so cheese in a feel-good way.
Lots of happy family vibes from Owen + Aniston (the latter of whom is wrongly cast, i feel).
But to anyone thinking of starting a family or wondering what the hell it entails, i'd suggest this film -- it presents about 20% of the real deal.
The 2 lines they got most right in the film really resonated with me, maybe cos i've been screaming it the whole of last year.

"This [marriage + parenting] is the hardest job in the world, the toughest and longest one you'll ever do. Why is it no one prepares you for it? No one tells us how hard it is..."

Abso-freaking-lutely, baby.
I was thinking and telling everyone that.
Why? Why did no one mention how tough parenting is?
I have had friends who have kids -- why didn't they say anything or even hint at it?
I had no clue going in.
I thought we were in for a joyride, cooing to a baby and everything will come up roses.

But gosh! How tough was 2007 + 2008?
A tough pregnancy followed by a tougher first year.
So tough that it nearly threatened to pull me & Terence apart.
I learnt only now that it's normal.
It wasn't just us being crap --- it happens to everyone.

Can i be a tad thick on my blog?
Cos i really wanna give myself & Terence a pat on our back.

It's the most difficult thing we've ever pulled off.
Having our marriage intact AND parenting a toddler.
I dunno which part was harder...

Look at how far we've come.
I hate to be self-congratulatory but i think we did ok.
Marco is happy + healthy + learning well.
He is so engaging....the words he sprout, the funny things he do, the expressions he pull.
I am so comforted by the fact that he is well.

I think we are doing really more than ok.
I'm glad i made the choice to be the kind of mother i want to be.
The kind that is around. The kind that does all the dirty work herself.
The kind that did not outsource the loving/caring for her child so she can keep her career.

Even if it means putting others' first priorities (work + $$$) on the backburner for a while.
Everyone was drumming into me how crucial it is to keep working.
Mothering the baby? Come on, surely you can outsource that!
Get a maid! Infant care centre! Hire a babysitter! Whatever you can think of...

I'm just glad i didn't take that route.
Not that i didn't consider/try it.
But having tried all 3, i decided no one can replace me as Marco's primary source of love and care. It's disturbing, to think that.

I feel lucky to have this option.
I understand it's a rare option in today's Singapore, where a double income seems crucial.
That's because Singaporeans place way too much emphasis on our lifestyle.
When you make a decision to have a kid, you have to sacrifice. Period.
It's a simple equation. Why do so few people understand it?

But God pays you back in surprising ways.
I feel blessed. I feel better than i ever did.
My family is the most precious thing to me ever.

Is this... the beginning of the end?

Railway rendezvous

Was at the beaten-down old railway with Fuz + D last nite.
It was kinda record-making, cos we sat, at the same spot, for 5 hours... just talking.
Talking & talking... so refreshing.
All we had were... Sprite & tea + cigarettes (D), curry puff + iced lemon tea (F) and strawberry milk (me).
It was so refreshing... to just meet your friends on the spur.
These days, who does this?
No advance appointments -- F sms-ed me at 9pm and an hour later, all 3 of us were sitting there. Till 4am.
Did nothing but talked and talked and talked.
Our lives, work, obsessions, other people, significant others....

Reminds me of a line in that movie Reality Bites:
"All we need is cigarettes, 5 bucks and a friend."

How did life get so complicated?

I am so tired of people who make themselves out to be so busy/tired etc etc.
Hello, you talking about being tired/busy to a working mum here??!!
Or who needs to make a date like 3 weeks in advance to meet.
Are we really that busy?
Or just disinterested? Plain insincere?
Or both?

Word Association.

Word Association.

Read about this 'game' in a magazine.
Write down the 3 words you associate with some of the most important things in your life.
And compare them with either your partner/best friend etc.
And see if you knew each other as well as you think you do.

Here's mine:

On Myself: worrier, lazy, resourceful

On Family: essential, magical, responsibility

On My Spouse: Rock, responsible, yielding

On Friends: transient, uplifting, engaging

On Work: political, time-wasting, redundant

On My Parents: judgemental, preachers, supportive

On Time: insufficient, fleeting, mine

Out!

Things I wish I can get rid of RIGHT NOW:

- my irritating flu bug (i'm sure it's also behind the fever + sore throat)
- my son's toys spilling over into what was once our living room
- my too-small tops and too-short skirts that were just too.... youthful.
- Terence's compulsive-obsessive obsession with cleanliness/neatness
- our maid
- my love handles (all 5 kg of it)
- the curly roots on my hair (damn rebonding, damn you!)

Starry outing

Eva Longoria -- for once, not looking overdone / OTT.



A woman who can wear a tight white dress -- you gotta give it to her.
Total body confidence.
Then again, she is flawless.

This woman just delivered a baby less than 6 months ago.

I call Aniston 'manufactured perfection'.

Cos she was of a totally different body type circa 1990s...but somehow, through entirely natural ways like diet, exercise, yoga/pilates etc, she made her body lean, toned and perfect.

Just compare Season 1 and 10 of Friends.

The Oscars were so boring, fashion-wise.

It's all these smaller premieres that the stars seem to look divine.

Blog alert

Came across a lovely lil blog about... love.

And aptly called 'Le Love'.

Just images, anecdotes, sayings and all things on romantic love.

Very sweet and reminds you of the highs of love.