Marley & Me

Watched Marley & Me last nite.
Such a corny movie, isn't it? But so cheese in a feel-good way.
Lots of happy family vibes from Owen + Aniston (the latter of whom is wrongly cast, i feel).
But to anyone thinking of starting a family or wondering what the hell it entails, i'd suggest this film -- it presents about 20% of the real deal.
The 2 lines they got most right in the film really resonated with me, maybe cos i've been screaming it the whole of last year.

"This [marriage + parenting] is the hardest job in the world, the toughest and longest one you'll ever do. Why is it no one prepares you for it? No one tells us how hard it is..."

Abso-freaking-lutely, baby.
I was thinking and telling everyone that.
Why? Why did no one mention how tough parenting is?
I have had friends who have kids -- why didn't they say anything or even hint at it?
I had no clue going in.
I thought we were in for a joyride, cooing to a baby and everything will come up roses.

But gosh! How tough was 2007 + 2008?
A tough pregnancy followed by a tougher first year.
So tough that it nearly threatened to pull me & Terence apart.
I learnt only now that it's normal.
It wasn't just us being crap --- it happens to everyone.

Can i be a tad thick on my blog?
Cos i really wanna give myself & Terence a pat on our back.

It's the most difficult thing we've ever pulled off.
Having our marriage intact AND parenting a toddler.
I dunno which part was harder...

Look at how far we've come.
I hate to be self-congratulatory but i think we did ok.
Marco is happy + healthy + learning well.
He is so engaging....the words he sprout, the funny things he do, the expressions he pull.
I am so comforted by the fact that he is well.

I think we are doing really more than ok.
I'm glad i made the choice to be the kind of mother i want to be.
The kind that is around. The kind that does all the dirty work herself.
The kind that did not outsource the loving/caring for her child so she can keep her career.

Even if it means putting others' first priorities (work + $$$) on the backburner for a while.
Everyone was drumming into me how crucial it is to keep working.
Mothering the baby? Come on, surely you can outsource that!
Get a maid! Infant care centre! Hire a babysitter! Whatever you can think of...

I'm just glad i didn't take that route.
Not that i didn't consider/try it.
But having tried all 3, i decided no one can replace me as Marco's primary source of love and care. It's disturbing, to think that.

I feel lucky to have this option.
I understand it's a rare option in today's Singapore, where a double income seems crucial.
That's because Singaporeans place way too much emphasis on our lifestyle.
When you make a decision to have a kid, you have to sacrifice. Period.
It's a simple equation. Why do so few people understand it?

But God pays you back in surprising ways.
I feel blessed. I feel better than i ever did.
My family is the most precious thing to me ever.