Live in the Present

Recently, I got kinda hooked to an old HK drama serial.
Yesterday marked its final episode, which interestingly, had a sad ending.

Now, in case you scoff at me and my TV,
let me just say it's once in a decade or so I actually stumble across a serial i like.
I'm not gog to go into details, suffice to say one of the main characters died.

But the point is - he died just as his life was coming together.
He waited 20+ years for the woman he loved, and saw her through her marriage, 2 kids and her eventual divorce... before she came around to him and hinted at accepting him.
And also, he died just as he was reunited with his estranged son.
So it was an unexpected and untimely death.
He died just as everything he hoped and wished for came to him.

And it made me think: I'm one of these people too.
Who don't live in the present but am perpetually hoping for better things to come my way.
It's as if my life is only 'settled' after I have these things.
Never mind what I have now; it's what i don't have that i'm gunning for.

What about the now?
What if I died tomorrow?
i know for certain if I died tomorrow, I will totally regret how i've been living my life this whole year.
Full of dread, grievances, grudges, and non-fulfilment.
Where is the joie de vivre? The contentment and love? The bliss?
What is wrong with me?
Never mind that i have a beautiful healthy cute son, or a nice family.
I just don't appreciate or am contented.
This is terrible, and it took that show to illustrate it for me.

As far as I know, i've always been like that.
Always reaching for more and better.
Always wanting, yearning for things.

I know it's wrong and actually hazardous to myself and those around me.
But it's not easy to live a contented life in a material world.

Gotta rein myself in.
If not, my life will pass me by, in a series of futile wishes and hopes.