2008: HELLO

Today marks the start of 2008.

Wow, i'll be turning 27 in no time.

When i was 20, i could not imagine myself at 27.

That seemed pretty ancient.

Now i am staring it in the face.

Have I achieved what I wanted?
Am I where I hoped to be?
Have I done the things I imagined I would tick off my list by now?

Am I any different from how I felt in my younger-youth?
The blithe, light-hearted, skip-along, laugh-out-loud, boy-crazy, insecure, fidgety, obsessive, sheltered gal?

Do I still want the same things as before?
Which were rather permanently: the perfect pair of jeans, the biggest wardrobe, unlimited shopping account, men, that glow, fun and laughs?

The truth is, i think so.

I think life has gotten complicated cos I AM STILL ALL OF THE ABOVE....but with added responsibilities and roles.

Besides busy being me, I am also a mother and a wife.

Something's gotta give.

I'm still discovering and learning my way thru life.

It is challenging, but u can't shake it off.

Life is weighed down bcos while we're essentially the same person as we were when we were 20, our lives have changed dramatically from then.

And when you pile on more and more of these responsibilities,

or what Singaporeans like to call 'commitments',

Life becomes a constant coping-and-juggling act.

The you that you know gets squeezed into 5 other variations:

mum, wife, daughter-in-law/daughter, employer, employee.

And everyday, you just cope. And cope. And cope.

You work hard, hoping that money may buy, if not happiness, then relief, peace, time and help.

You try your darn best to fulfil all of the above roles, and what happens?
You forget about yourself.

When was the last time I had a good long look at myself in the mirror?

Can't recall.

When was the last time I had a whole day to myself?
Can't recall.

When was the last time i hung out with frens and didn't need to care abt the time?
Can't recall.

I'm not moaning.

I just feel I have matured and experienced so much in 2007.

It was bittersweet, with remarkable highs and lows.

My lowest point? When I was so familiar with the lows it felt strangely...ok.

I was definitely screwed.

The highest of the highs?
Today.

When I look back at 2007 and saw how absolutely courageous, resilient and God-trusting I was.

I cannot believe there can be as many hurdles in a year as this.

When you are never really 'done' with anything - it just keeps coming.

New house, new marriage, difficult pregnancy, working maternity, child birth, labour pains, recovery, confinement, new job, motherhood, family feuds, Marco's colic spells, $$$ credits, new maid, gaining 17kg, losing my wardrobe...
For 12 months, try as I might, there was no comfort zone I could sink into.

But I'm still here.

More importantly, everyone's still here with me.
My son, my husband, my family, my friends.

Life has been constantly surprising ever since Marco was born.

Every week is different, every month a leap from the last.
He changes so fast, as does his needs, his moods, his feeds, his wants.

I hope for many things in 2008.

Windfalls, good health, love and peace aside.

Blessed be.