more than monday blues
Marco is now 7 weeks old.
And I'm starting work on Monday.
This thought alone reduced me to tears just now.
Flashback to the few days before I gave birth.
Whatever prompted me to look for a new job then, you may ask?
Especially when i've already discussed with Terence that i will stop work for 6 months to look after our baby.
And he's assured me that he can cope, financially, that is.
So what was my deal-breaker?
1. I knew i didn't wanna go back to my old job after the maternity break.
2. I could not see myself as a full-time, stay-home mum for 6 months.
To me, that was like the land of sloppy tee-shirts, dishevelled frizzy hair, fat thighs, auntie-talk and other irreverent/irrelevant stuff. I was frightened of landing in mummysville and never feeling my age, my youth, my self again.
3. After almost a year of 'corporate hiatus', i felt this surge to carve a niche for myself in my industry. After all the sacrifices on the work front due to the pregnancy, i was so raring to go.
4. I went shopping by myself and envied those corporate women - that look of independence, confidence etc. I bought into their poseurisms. Gucci bag, check. Nice hair, check. Nice suit, check. Subtle heels, check. High spending power, check. The realm of me, myself and I, check.
5. I didn't know any better.
Probably cos Marco wasn't born yet.
And I had no clue just how addictive he can be.
How adorable, tender, sweet, miraculous, amazing, cuddly he is.
How I can ever love someone so much, or know of such a love in my lifetime.
And now, I dread Monday.
I can feel it creeping close, inching uncomfortably closer.
And I need to gather strength pronto.
To tell myself I can do it.
I can handle this impossible juggling act.
Tonnes of working mums have done it - it must be possible, even if it's heart-wreching.
I must not give up.
This is an excellent job at an excellent place...
I must not screw up or give up.
I must not be distracted by Marco, motherhood and my family.
I must don an iron shield, if possible.
Lord, I pray, for strength and focus.
And I'm starting work on Monday.
This thought alone reduced me to tears just now.
Flashback to the few days before I gave birth.
Whatever prompted me to look for a new job then, you may ask?
Especially when i've already discussed with Terence that i will stop work for 6 months to look after our baby.
And he's assured me that he can cope, financially, that is.
So what was my deal-breaker?
1. I knew i didn't wanna go back to my old job after the maternity break.
2. I could not see myself as a full-time, stay-home mum for 6 months.
To me, that was like the land of sloppy tee-shirts, dishevelled frizzy hair, fat thighs, auntie-talk and other irreverent/irrelevant stuff. I was frightened of landing in mummysville and never feeling my age, my youth, my self again.
3. After almost a year of 'corporate hiatus', i felt this surge to carve a niche for myself in my industry. After all the sacrifices on the work front due to the pregnancy, i was so raring to go.
4. I went shopping by myself and envied those corporate women - that look of independence, confidence etc. I bought into their poseurisms. Gucci bag, check. Nice hair, check. Nice suit, check. Subtle heels, check. High spending power, check. The realm of me, myself and I, check.
5. I didn't know any better.
Probably cos Marco wasn't born yet.
And I had no clue just how addictive he can be.
How adorable, tender, sweet, miraculous, amazing, cuddly he is.
How I can ever love someone so much, or know of such a love in my lifetime.
And now, I dread Monday.
I can feel it creeping close, inching uncomfortably closer.
And I need to gather strength pronto.
To tell myself I can do it.
I can handle this impossible juggling act.
Tonnes of working mums have done it - it must be possible, even if it's heart-wreching.
I must not give up.
This is an excellent job at an excellent place...
I must not screw up or give up.
I must not be distracted by Marco, motherhood and my family.
I must don an iron shield, if possible.
Lord, I pray, for strength and focus.
posted by may @ 9:39 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home