decisions

So we're in Feb.
And a week shy of the Lunar New Year.

It's been quite a sombre weekend.
Ter is away in BKK, leaving just me and the boy alone for a good 4 days.
The predictable stuff are - the house cannot be messier and we have successfully turned it upside down.
I've slept more than i should too, probably cos i'm just shagged out from the stuff that i usually DO NOT DO - like washing bottles / laundry etc etc.
Yes i do appreciate him a tad more after this.

The unpredictables are -- it gave me a lot of clarity and space to just think.
Just today, a job opportunity came up.
It blew my mind, in a good way.
Of cos, it's a great job with great prospects, better pay etc etc.
If i were single, i'll go for it, in a heartbeat. No questions asked.
I was close to filling out my resume, or updating it, for that matter.

Then i went into the room for a sec, just lying there idle.
(in case you're wondering, i'm on leave today)
And i thought -- am i really in the right frame of mind to change jobs?
To ask for challenges and to forge a better career?
What gives?
Time with my son, of course.
It would be just like when i went back to full-time, but immediately regretted my decision after.
Although i got my full-time salary back, i hated my life until recently.
I hated the stress, the rush, the madness in the mornings, the fatigue... and constantly felt these were not worth whatever money i brought in.

It's only the last month or so that i kinda talked myself into it, eased up a lil and the tension slowly ebbed.
I'm on a full-time schedule, but work only 6-7 hrs a day and finish early enough (by 2pm most days) to fetch my son home from school.
Why should i change jobs?
After picking him up from school, we've got the rest of the day to play, go out, take a nap, swim, watever....
Should i really trade in these for more money?

My answer is: not now.

It's a great opportunity but i am contented where i am, and i'll let it pass.
It's hard to quantify time with your child, and i won't attempt to do that.
Opportunities may come again, but Marco won't be 2 again... and at this point, i do still want to be a huge part in his life.
It's not like i'm jobless now anyway.
We earn enough and save enough, and i still have a great work-life balance.
Not gonna rock this precious boat at this point.