Need. To. Shop.

Never been big on prints, but oh, gorgeous fall florals make my heart flutter:


To-die-for! From Elie Tahari.

And i discovered a new designer I will gladly make coffee for...
In return for her frocks.
Nanette Lepore, pls come to Singapore [ it rhymes! destiny!]
Here are some of her hits:

West Coast Park - 12 Oct 2008

Had a glorious afternoon with MY FAMILY at West Coast Park ystday.

Just me, Marco & Terence having a field day out.

Awesome weather, amazing place.

Plenty of play structures for the kids, nice water bay and of course, a great Macs.

We played so much with Marco and at one point, he went around chasing the dogs!

Hilarious and totally fun.

Here are the sunny pics:

time vs $

I know i should really post some photos -- but i've been lazy.
Too lazy to spend a good hour uploading the tonnes of pics in my cam.

Anyway.

I've been bringing Marco to several playgroups ever since he was about 10months old.
And... this week, I decided to pull out of the current one.
It's just too much money for things i can actually do myself.
Singing, reading & outdoor play with him.
I know the socialising does wonders, for him to play around other toddlers his age.
But everytime i bring him out, the playgrounds and parks are full of kids anyway.

Yesterday, we had a splendid day out at the outdoor area of Vivocity,
that completely reaffirmed my decision.
Vivo mall has a huge outdoor play area on all 3 levels - amazing and v. thoughtful really.
The one on the 2nd level is full of kids thrilled with the play structures and water features.
This is, of course, his favourite place and he alwaz gets a gd sweat there.
Me too, for that matter.

The one on the 3rd level is good for viewing and just taking a nice pause, cos it overlooks so much.
On the 1st level, we can take a long stroll around and Marco loves looking at the sea, which looks within reach, literally.

So yesterday, we enjoyed the sun at the play area and when it got too hot, we went to the first level.
And there was a sweet poignant moment when he sat on my lap, we were looking out to the sea together, I was giving him some bread and actually 'chatting' to him...
A totally magical moment.
Mostly cos he actually sat still for that precious 5 minutes.

[FYI: it's a near-miracle cos Marco is never stationary - his nick is 'non-stop']

At that point, it felt like we were..best mates.
My lil best friend.

Lately, i've been thinking when to return to full-time work and if i should chuck him into child-care when he turns 18months [ the minimum age].
Like what most Singaporean mothers do, because they have "no choice".

I considered my sacrifices - loss of income, a certain independence, my career setbacks etc.
And then i look at him... how can i ever compare these to him?
How can i quantity his childhood with $$$?
How much are my moments with him worth? 2 grand? or 5?

Yesterday afternoon by the bay, I knew the answer.

Live in the Present

Recently, I got kinda hooked to an old HK drama serial.
Yesterday marked its final episode, which interestingly, had a sad ending.

Now, in case you scoff at me and my TV,
let me just say it's once in a decade or so I actually stumble across a serial i like.
I'm not gog to go into details, suffice to say one of the main characters died.

But the point is - he died just as his life was coming together.
He waited 20+ years for the woman he loved, and saw her through her marriage, 2 kids and her eventual divorce... before she came around to him and hinted at accepting him.
And also, he died just as he was reunited with his estranged son.
So it was an unexpected and untimely death.
He died just as everything he hoped and wished for came to him.

And it made me think: I'm one of these people too.
Who don't live in the present but am perpetually hoping for better things to come my way.
It's as if my life is only 'settled' after I have these things.
Never mind what I have now; it's what i don't have that i'm gunning for.

What about the now?
What if I died tomorrow?
i know for certain if I died tomorrow, I will totally regret how i've been living my life this whole year.
Full of dread, grievances, grudges, and non-fulfilment.
Where is the joie de vivre? The contentment and love? The bliss?
What is wrong with me?
Never mind that i have a beautiful healthy cute son, or a nice family.
I just don't appreciate or am contented.
This is terrible, and it took that show to illustrate it for me.

As far as I know, i've always been like that.
Always reaching for more and better.
Always wanting, yearning for things.

I know it's wrong and actually hazardous to myself and those around me.
But it's not easy to live a contented life in a material world.

Gotta rein myself in.
If not, my life will pass me by, in a series of futile wishes and hopes.

Cut me some slack

I.
AM.
ON.
A.
MISSION.
TO.
LOSE.
4KG.