Marco's first steps

13th August - Plenty milestones.



Marco turns 11 months old today.
And more importantly, he took his first steps this evening!





I was just in awe of what just happened right in my living room.
My lil boy, whom I fed, nursed and loved, is now walking with his two lil feet.


I didn't know beauty until today.





He stood up and reached for the TV console, about 3 steps away.
I was just amazed.





And later on in the night, he took another 5 steps to reach the sofa in front of him.
Normally, he would just hold onto the sofa and cruise along with support.
But today, he didn't lunge for the support.
He just decided to walk!


Somewhere between that pause and first steps was a decision within himself to start walking.
You can almost see his thoughts on his face.
I am just profoundly, incredibly awed.
Swept off my feet.
Speechless.





How beautiful is that sight?
How beautiful can life get?
How adorable can babies be?





Is there even a limit to these things?
This IS the secret to life.
To all things.
This is the reason behind everything.
Wy we slave at work.
Why we grow up.
Why we understand our places in life.
Why we love, live and let live.
Why everything clicks.
This IS life.





When a baby walks, it is at once so miraculous and incredible you gotta pinch yourself to know it's real and true.
How does a baby make a decision?
What is more amazing? Him thinking through a decision or actually physically walking?
Somewhere in that thought process is self-confidence and love.
And for the life of me, I dunno how babies possess / process that.



I marvel at that lil brain of his.
I am so happy he is a bright, happy, confident child.
It just takes away all my doubts and fears.





Parenting is so tough.
And i believe, in Singapore, it is near-impossible.
Whatever pro-creation incentives the govt wants to dish out, they gotta change basic perceptions in society first.
Motherhood is frowned at.
Mothers are looked down on or cast aside.
What does society value?
Financial success, independence, materialism, professionalism, beauty, convenience and instant gratification.
Where does motherhood / babies stand?
Only in the interruption of all these.





In all the playgroups I attend, I have yet to see any Singaporean mum.
There are the expat cliques, the Japanese cliques and a handful of others.
But there are zero Singaporean mums.
It's just not in the local culture to spend time with your baby this way.
To bring them for playgroups etc. to have time for them on a weekday.
Local babies are mostly at home, looked after by the maid or grandparents,
or trawling in the malls on weekends.
Local mums are all struggling at work, trying to balance sleep, money, work and baby.
It's really sad.
All my frens are living this way.
I tell them how good working part-time is, but i guess the financial sacrifice is just too much for them to bear.



I don't get it.
As long as you still work, you are still bringing in money every month.
And without the stress or better-than-thou upmanship at work, you'll find that life is much simpler and we really can do with less material things.
Instead of buying everything I see cos i'm in a perpetual state of stress & frenzy, I now shop selectively and leisurely.
Instead of going for what my colleagues/frens have, I buy more of what i really need.
Instead of purchases, I find that therapeutic stuff like pedicures and facials bring more joy and inner peace.






Anyway, I'm proud of myself for standing by what I believe in.
I have never gone anywhere near parenting/babies/motherhood.
There were no babies in my extended family [ both sides] and no frens had babies for me to see either.
Shanmei had a baby, but she's like any working Singaporean mum.
She outsources the caring and loving to her mother, and hardly has time for her kids.
It was mine and Terence's absolute first with nappies, feeding, family stress, fatigue etc.

But we made it.
Marco is almost a year old.
And he is happy, bright, sunshine-y, 'chatty' and active, healthy.
All I can wish for.
We expose him to as much stuff as we can. Playgroups, swimming, picnics, pets, playgrounds, parties.
He eats well, loves music, is forever curious, social with other kids/adults, loves shiny hanging stuff, has his own 'vocab', understands NO, can clap/dance/shake around, has 3 cute lil teeth and a toothy grin...fills us with endless joy everyday.

We made mistakes, we learnt, we had obstacles every month, we felt like giving up, we stuck it through.
It really is the most difficult year of our lives.
Both of us have never been so tired and happy at the same time.
It's surreal.
But as Marco took his first steps today, I just know that the silver lining is finally here.
We are going to see that rainbow at the end of this long tunnel, that started from my tough pregnancy.
Everything is just gonna get better and better...