Parental Truths 1

It is so easy, so easy...to fall into the trap of living vicariously thru one's children.
How can it happen, you wonder?
Too easy, and too naturally too.

On paper, this is such an obvious no-no.
No one wants to stamp our hopes and unfulfilled aspirations on our child.
But in practice, they occupy your thoughts, your time, your life...and you want the best for them.
What is "the best"?
The best is all that we never had in our childhood.
It's true.
I never had my parents to myself.
I didn't have a lot of friends before the age of 7.
I didn't go out and my parents didn't have much activities for us before school-years.
In short, life before 7 was just... endless afternoons playing with my brothers.

And now, we want the opposite for our kids.
We want them to go to the best pre-schools, join the best playgroups, have the best possible start in life.
Did these things even matter when we were kids? Absolutely not.
I didn't think my parents even realised we had brains.

But i read somewhere - the whole idea of parenting, sadly & ironically, is to prepare your children to leave you one day.
Is to prepare for their independence and to be free from you.
Isn't that so sad and... you think, gosh, what is the point of all my efforts? [ and money!]

But it is so so true.
The true hallmarks of great parenting are when your kids are independent, and don't need you at all.
And everyday, they are leaving us in some way.
I feel it even now.
When Marco learnt to walk...
When he started to be able to bottle-feed himself...
You feel proud + overjoyed... and then think, he needs me less and less.
This is parenthood.


Here, Kahlil Gibran expresses it much better than i ever can:


Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you,
yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,and
He bends you with His mightthat His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

A Man's Mind

A rare peek into a man's mind on marriage, adultery and ultimately... divorce.

http://www.elle.com/featurefullstory/14126/danger-man.html

Marco - 11 months

Wed Aug 20

Updates:

- Marco is one of the most 'popular' kids in his play-class. The trainers love him [ one even asked to be his godma!], the other mums love him and marvel at how fast he's learnt to walk

- Marco is walking steadily now. Yes, he can even do a lil jiggle while dancing. I am SOOO proud of him.

- He's still shy and hesitant at swimming/ water games though, but I'm confident with more practice, he will be fine.

- He is turning one! We're having a simple family do at my place for lunch, and one more at my mum's for dinner. Simple affair, only family and a couple of other babies around his age.

- I am thinking of getting a videocam. How can i bear to forget these moments?

- He looks good in everything. And i gotta stop buying clothes for him! He's got a complete full wardrobe, at 11 months old!

shopaholic anonymous

Life is sooo busy these days.
I don't have time to shop at all.
But still, managed to get 3 tops from Topshop + a great pair of silver pumps.
And that is just for this week.

This is gonna sound scary and freakish, but i honestly can't go a week without shopping.
In this aspect, i am your truest-blue Singaporean.
I seriously can shop anytime, anyday, anywhere.
And the damage is huge.
Lately, i've been trying to scale down purchases, skipping the brands for high-street labels instead.
Not that I was into brands, but these days, i try to avoid going into boutiques I know i used to drop hundreds/thousands at.
Like BCBG / Bebe / Max Studio / CK or DKNY / Miss Sixty / FCUK etc etc.
See? These are not even your Dior, Celine or Marc Jacobs.

Instead, I am now more at:

-- Topshop [ which i always have loved anyway],
-- Forever 21 [ hunt and hunt for the best buys, its worth your time ]
-- Dorothy Perkins [surprisingly full of great buys, not dowdy at all]
-- Far East Plaza [ alwaz cool, alwaz in, alwaz affordable ]
-- Zara [ full of mum-friendly casuals ]


There's recently a poll in the local shopping catalogue-ish mag Smitten.
Let's reproduce it here just for fun:

Most disappointing new shop: River Island [ fit is weird, overpriced, too bling and Pam-Anderson style]

Most refreshing boutique: Topshop [ alwaz evolving, alwaz updated]

Most comprehensive department store: Isetan [ fashion-forward, trendy, full of great labels under one roof, lovely service almost all the time, young yuppish crowd]

Best denim: I haven't tried enough to be a judge. But what fits me are: French Connection + Mango jeans. And of cos, the cheap types from Far East Plaza are sometimes gd enough. ]

Best multi-label store: I like Pois at Paragon. Very ex, but very desirable pieces. As well as Inhabit at Palais Renaissance and Tribeca at Forum Mall.


Best Mall: Tie between Far East Plaza, Wisma Atria, Vivocity and Raffles City. Pls pls, park me there the whole day.


Best shoe shop: Tie -- Charles & Keith at Great World City or Wisma Atria / Pedder Red at Ngee Ann City

Best Bag shop: Takashimaya Level 2 bags department / Chanel


Most Underrated: Studio M by Max Studio; Sugarhouse at Vivocity; creative mavens at Far East Plaza, gowns at Coast


Most Overrated: Mango

I am a crazy shopaholic....sigh.

Marco's first steps

13th August - Plenty milestones.



Marco turns 11 months old today.
And more importantly, he took his first steps this evening!





I was just in awe of what just happened right in my living room.
My lil boy, whom I fed, nursed and loved, is now walking with his two lil feet.


I didn't know beauty until today.





He stood up and reached for the TV console, about 3 steps away.
I was just amazed.





And later on in the night, he took another 5 steps to reach the sofa in front of him.
Normally, he would just hold onto the sofa and cruise along with support.
But today, he didn't lunge for the support.
He just decided to walk!


Somewhere between that pause and first steps was a decision within himself to start walking.
You can almost see his thoughts on his face.
I am just profoundly, incredibly awed.
Swept off my feet.
Speechless.





How beautiful is that sight?
How beautiful can life get?
How adorable can babies be?





Is there even a limit to these things?
This IS the secret to life.
To all things.
This is the reason behind everything.
Wy we slave at work.
Why we grow up.
Why we understand our places in life.
Why we love, live and let live.
Why everything clicks.
This IS life.





When a baby walks, it is at once so miraculous and incredible you gotta pinch yourself to know it's real and true.
How does a baby make a decision?
What is more amazing? Him thinking through a decision or actually physically walking?
Somewhere in that thought process is self-confidence and love.
And for the life of me, I dunno how babies possess / process that.



I marvel at that lil brain of his.
I am so happy he is a bright, happy, confident child.
It just takes away all my doubts and fears.





Parenting is so tough.
And i believe, in Singapore, it is near-impossible.
Whatever pro-creation incentives the govt wants to dish out, they gotta change basic perceptions in society first.
Motherhood is frowned at.
Mothers are looked down on or cast aside.
What does society value?
Financial success, independence, materialism, professionalism, beauty, convenience and instant gratification.
Where does motherhood / babies stand?
Only in the interruption of all these.





In all the playgroups I attend, I have yet to see any Singaporean mum.
There are the expat cliques, the Japanese cliques and a handful of others.
But there are zero Singaporean mums.
It's just not in the local culture to spend time with your baby this way.
To bring them for playgroups etc. to have time for them on a weekday.
Local babies are mostly at home, looked after by the maid or grandparents,
or trawling in the malls on weekends.
Local mums are all struggling at work, trying to balance sleep, money, work and baby.
It's really sad.
All my frens are living this way.
I tell them how good working part-time is, but i guess the financial sacrifice is just too much for them to bear.



I don't get it.
As long as you still work, you are still bringing in money every month.
And without the stress or better-than-thou upmanship at work, you'll find that life is much simpler and we really can do with less material things.
Instead of buying everything I see cos i'm in a perpetual state of stress & frenzy, I now shop selectively and leisurely.
Instead of going for what my colleagues/frens have, I buy more of what i really need.
Instead of purchases, I find that therapeutic stuff like pedicures and facials bring more joy and inner peace.






Anyway, I'm proud of myself for standing by what I believe in.
I have never gone anywhere near parenting/babies/motherhood.
There were no babies in my extended family [ both sides] and no frens had babies for me to see either.
Shanmei had a baby, but she's like any working Singaporean mum.
She outsources the caring and loving to her mother, and hardly has time for her kids.
It was mine and Terence's absolute first with nappies, feeding, family stress, fatigue etc.

But we made it.
Marco is almost a year old.
And he is happy, bright, sunshine-y, 'chatty' and active, healthy.
All I can wish for.
We expose him to as much stuff as we can. Playgroups, swimming, picnics, pets, playgrounds, parties.
He eats well, loves music, is forever curious, social with other kids/adults, loves shiny hanging stuff, has his own 'vocab', understands NO, can clap/dance/shake around, has 3 cute lil teeth and a toothy grin...fills us with endless joy everyday.

We made mistakes, we learnt, we had obstacles every month, we felt like giving up, we stuck it through.
It really is the most difficult year of our lives.
Both of us have never been so tired and happy at the same time.
It's surreal.
But as Marco took his first steps today, I just know that the silver lining is finally here.
We are going to see that rainbow at the end of this long tunnel, that started from my tough pregnancy.
Everything is just gonna get better and better...

A TERRIBLE DAY
11th August 2008

New Looks

Love this work combi. So simple, yet good basics are really hard to nail down.




I'd like to think i can pull off stuff like that as i get older.




Too bad off-shoulder tops are not for me.




What a genius, whoever designed this top.
Subtle sexy, I like.


Lovely polka dot skirt with a strait-laced crisp white top.
And that bag!




For the record, I'm willing to shell out any money for this Alexander Wang dress.

G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S!



Comfy for those lazy days