struggling

Item of Desire

Have been very moody and kinda struggling lately.
I think the constant rush is getting to me bad.
I'm usually so aloof, calm and unhurried.
It's hard for me to go from that to.... now.

Yes, I am unhappy.
Work has got a whole lot to do with it.
I like my job, and I can safely say i'm getting better at it.
But my job is the kind that requires one to put in long hours to be good at it.
There's just no cutting corners.
I am hardly what you'll call slow, but even with 10 hrs a day, it's a real struggle.
I get home, and I'm too beat to spend any real time with marco.
I hate it.
He should be my TOP priority, not work, not money.

It's just a R-E-A-L struggle.
People say motherhood is about being selfless etc.
It's not.
It's about losing your self completely to accommodate everything else.

a high

Yesterday, my producer (boss) msged me on our office's internal MSN-kinda thing.

"If I haven't told you already, I really love lurrve working with you."

Made my day.

shopping

the best things about being a gal - simple at its best


as you can see, i'm really into simple luxe/chic now.
key basics that feels luxe and look good.



i wish i have legs like hers....

mere mortals won't look as good in this dress.

somehow, a clash of all basics look really gd thrown together.

it has that no-effort look, yet looks great!

grey jumper over white tee, black slacks and converse.

cheap thrills indeed.

I finally feel the zest of the new year.

i don't know how to describe it.

Just a feeling of something different in the air...and more to come.

Out with the heavy and dreary.

In with light of spirit, joy and peace.

Went shopping this weekend.
Thanks to my kind mum, who offered to babysit Marco on Sat.

Went to the revamped Raffles City on Sat + Wisma on Sunday morning.

Sooooo nice!!!!

Bought heaps of underwear from the Marks & Spencer sale, as well as Topshop.

So comfy. I bought lots!

And a top + a leather bag from Topshop.

I'm so happy!

Been buying too much stuff....

Still got lots of places that I wanna check out.

- Forever 21 at Vivocity

- Pull & Bear

- Zara

- Joop at Vivocity

- Eclecticism @ Wisma

- Far East Plaza

I need to find a nice dress for a wedding dinner on the 11th.

Specifically, my husband's ex-girlfriend's wedding.

Yes it was his first love when he was 16.

Now they are good friends.

Yes, i can't believe i'm so generous as to actually accept their 'platonic' friendship.

But seriously, looking at her, i'm not the least bit threatened.

Meow!

2008: HELLO

Today marks the start of 2008.

Wow, i'll be turning 27 in no time.

When i was 20, i could not imagine myself at 27.

That seemed pretty ancient.

Now i am staring it in the face.

Have I achieved what I wanted?
Am I where I hoped to be?
Have I done the things I imagined I would tick off my list by now?

Am I any different from how I felt in my younger-youth?
The blithe, light-hearted, skip-along, laugh-out-loud, boy-crazy, insecure, fidgety, obsessive, sheltered gal?

Do I still want the same things as before?
Which were rather permanently: the perfect pair of jeans, the biggest wardrobe, unlimited shopping account, men, that glow, fun and laughs?

The truth is, i think so.

I think life has gotten complicated cos I AM STILL ALL OF THE ABOVE....but with added responsibilities and roles.

Besides busy being me, I am also a mother and a wife.

Something's gotta give.

I'm still discovering and learning my way thru life.

It is challenging, but u can't shake it off.

Life is weighed down bcos while we're essentially the same person as we were when we were 20, our lives have changed dramatically from then.

And when you pile on more and more of these responsibilities,

or what Singaporeans like to call 'commitments',

Life becomes a constant coping-and-juggling act.

The you that you know gets squeezed into 5 other variations:

mum, wife, daughter-in-law/daughter, employer, employee.

And everyday, you just cope. And cope. And cope.

You work hard, hoping that money may buy, if not happiness, then relief, peace, time and help.

You try your darn best to fulfil all of the above roles, and what happens?
You forget about yourself.

When was the last time I had a good long look at myself in the mirror?

Can't recall.

When was the last time I had a whole day to myself?
Can't recall.

When was the last time i hung out with frens and didn't need to care abt the time?
Can't recall.

I'm not moaning.

I just feel I have matured and experienced so much in 2007.

It was bittersweet, with remarkable highs and lows.

My lowest point? When I was so familiar with the lows it felt strangely...ok.

I was definitely screwed.

The highest of the highs?
Today.

When I look back at 2007 and saw how absolutely courageous, resilient and God-trusting I was.

I cannot believe there can be as many hurdles in a year as this.

When you are never really 'done' with anything - it just keeps coming.

New house, new marriage, difficult pregnancy, working maternity, child birth, labour pains, recovery, confinement, new job, motherhood, family feuds, Marco's colic spells, $$$ credits, new maid, gaining 17kg, losing my wardrobe...
For 12 months, try as I might, there was no comfort zone I could sink into.

But I'm still here.

More importantly, everyone's still here with me.
My son, my husband, my family, my friends.

Life has been constantly surprising ever since Marco was born.

Every week is different, every month a leap from the last.
He changes so fast, as does his needs, his moods, his feeds, his wants.

I hope for many things in 2008.

Windfalls, good health, love and peace aside.

Blessed be.