Life Later

Was taking a walk during lunchtime just now...
And was preoccupied with -
What will I be like after the pregnancy?

What will my life be like???
Was chatting with my rooters ex-colleagues this morning and...
I just wondered, will my life still be the same?
Will i still love sports?
Will i still have time for sports, running, biking, swimming?
Or will these 9 months of inactivity lure me to lethargy forever?
Will i forget my love for running and sweating and pushing myself?
Will i still be motivated to do what I used to do - wake up before dawn for a run?
Or will the baby tire me out?

Will i still hang out and chill out with frens?
Will i still be obsessed with fashion & clothes?
Will i still check out new stuff with frens, new bars, clubs, restaurants etc?
Will i still club?
I mean, i'm never a hardcore clubber or anything.
But i do need my 'fix' sometimes.
The booze, the music, the laughter, the smoky air, the mess, the hangover.
Or simply an excuse to dress up for a nite out and about.

Gosh, all these used to make up my life.
And to date, i've totally stopped for 5 months.
Will i resume, or is this permanent damage?
It scared me suddenly, to think my life will never be the same again.

And if i were to still pursue all these, what will happen to my baby?
I'm gonna be a mother, for goodness sake!
I entertained the thot of letting my mum take care of the baby...
But it just seems so selfish and cruel of me.

At the same time, I cannot envision a life doomed to domesticity.
i'm seriously too young for that.
Nappies, milk feeds, baby shopping etc.
I will certainly do it for the first few months...
but at some point, my life's gotta return to normal rite???

It would be too dreadful & tragic if my life was to mirror Shanmei's.
I mean, she's a good fren, but her life and the dullness/domesticity of it turns me off so much.
Really.
I don't want my life to revolve ard only my husband and baby.
They can be at the core of it, but not 24/7!
My soul is ever-curious, ever-mobile and ever-seeking.
I loved my life the way it was. Colourful, fulfilling and fun.
I don't want it all to go away just cos of a baby.

I still wanna do things my guy frens do.
I still wanna sit at coffeeshops and talk rubbish with them.
I still wanna meet frens all the time and bitch.
I still wanna run.
I still wanna buy loads nice clothes.
I still wanna travel travel travel.
I still wanna be super-active.

The question is: can i?
*shudder*