from here

Have I changed after marriage?
Or is it after the baby?
I seem to have lost a certain focus when it comes to my work and career.
A certain sense of ambition maybe.
Perhaps its only for now, given my bouts of sickness and near-paralysis.
Make it constant, not bouts.

I was sitting at the cafe opposite my office this morning having breakfast alone.
Looking at 3 yuppies sitting in front of me. So immersed in their work meeting.
It was obviously one of those breakfast meetings, al fresco.
And they looked the very picture of corporate likeness.
Expensive watches, check.
Stressed faces, check.
Nicely ironed, crisp shirts, check.
Aggression in the voices, check.
Laptops in power mode, check.
Ambition and competition, very evident.

And I looked at myself.
How far I seemed from these three chaps.
They didn't look very much older, perhaps late 20s or early 30s.
And I wondered if I do aspire for a high-achieving career some day?
A position of prestige, or more responsibilities? A higher rank up the ladder?
Do I even want it?
And i thought, if I do, it probably wouldn't be in editorial or publishing anymore.

There's a sense of nothing new.
I've tried magazines, newspapers and even books.
I've discovered I only really enjoy magazines.
At my current job, I've kinda explored much of whatever's in magazine publishing.
My company is small, things are transparent and hands-on.
In my time here, I've learnt and found out almost how to run the entire magazine.
I've seen how the advertising, sales, circulation etc works.
It's been a great learning curve. I hold the reins and am still enjoying it.
My boss gives me total freedom to learn as much as I want, or to make the most of his resources.
I am as involved as I wish to be. Which is great.
But at some point, perhaps in a year or two, this will not be the place i will be at.
I just know it. Perhaps by next year.
I'm sure the baby will be a turning point in my life.
And I will probably seek new ventures after that.

But wat will it be?
Join another magazine? Do the same thing?
I just don't see it happening.
I've been in magazines since i was 18.
Fashion magazines, community magazines, health magazines......
It's been a long time and I'm itching to try something new.
Besides, journalism/editorial/publishing is hardly where the money's at.
I don't wish to still be writing at 35.

Start a business with my husband?
Go into property?
Marketing? Branding? High fashion retail?
I don't know.
Just a morning thought I wanted to blog about.