things i am missing out on

Gorgeous stuff.

The dress look is still very very in.

Very chic, simple, clean and fuss-free.

The second dress..... I would kill to have.

On another note, my heart broke 2 days ago.

I heard it shatter into two thousand pieces when i stepped into Ted Baker.

Very chic, very wearable, very elegant, very heartbreaking.

Sigh.

I really do miss dressing up.

the clean issue

Yesterday was revealing.
I have just about had enough with terence's impossibly fastidious crap.
I mean, i appreciate a husband who's so handy around the house, cleaning and picking after me at every chance he's got.
But.... he's such a freako!



He doesn't let me fry anything cos of the oil. Not even an egg!
When i do so, he scrubs everything, the stove, the sink etc.... cos he's so scared of the oil stains.
He picks up every strand of hair i drop (i drop like, one thousand daily).
He picks up the bread crumbs from my toast everyday.
It's just crazy!



Finally yesterday i blew my top.
I told him i have enough.
I think "Our house is meant for us to live in. It's not a freaking MUSEUM!"
were my exact words.
Cos i was hungry at about 11pm and was toasting some bread.
When he told me to mind the bread crumbs.
I just couldn't take it at that point.
It's like.... my every move must leave no trace!
It's cleanliness to CSI-degree.
You know, leaving absolutely no evidence that I'd done anything, eaten anything, touched anything.
It's sooooo suffocating!


He apologised, but i was already fuming mad.
What did i do?
I stormed out of the house.
And he followed.
We walked all the way to the waterfront at vivocity. Silent all the way.
Then when we reached, we talked and talked.
The weird thing is, we didn't talk about the incident at home at all.
We talked, of all things, about our careers, our plans, our ambitions.
It's most peculiar!
Probably cos that looong walk had already cleared my temper.


It's no big deal actually.
I was just being mean and spoilt about it.
The truth is, I'm bloody lazy and spoilt.
Except for ironing and washing the clothes (machine, that is), i don't do anything at all.
I can't even be bothered to wash my own plates after dinner. I hate washing stuff.
Terence does E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
And i was just probably gog crazy cos we're so different.


I'm used to my maid doing all these for me.
Now that it's my husband doing it, it makes me feel guilty in a strange way.
I feel a weird but very strong sense of guilt.
Cos it's not fair to him.
He doesn't complain one bit. He's way too .... i dunno.... easy to take for granted?
I am a terrible terrible person.

He's too nice to me. That's the problem.
I feel kinda spooked out about it.
He does so much so much that i constantly feel like some wicked witch.
He indulges the tyrant that i am!

Here's a nice family dinner during my brother-in-law Nic's 25th bday.

Taken on 20th January. Just uploaded it cos i'd finally replaced my camera cable.

I am becoming very fat.
Fat belly!!!
Now i know how enviable a flat tum is.
It really makes all the difference.

On a sunnier note, my best fren called today for a long chat.
Was nice to hear her nonsense and a very familiar voice again.
Then again, if she were here, she'll probably still think i'm normal.
Having seen me in various shapes/heights/sizes/colours before.
She's seen me stick-thin in school, so-so in poly, then fat+ugly when i returned from oz, then back to my usual crap....then all grown up on my wedding day...
All with nary a comment. Sizes just seem to pass her by....

She's missing my big-belly stage man!!!
When she returns, i'll be in the most disastrous postnatal/confinement stage!
Oh gosh!

Why am I so shallow?
I shld be focusing on the growing baby.
The fatter my belly gets, the healthier, stronger and bigger my baby is.
I shld be happy.
Must focus, focus, focus.
Don't always be so vain, think of myself/clothes/appearances....
Oh man, I wonder how the hell i'm gonna get back in shape after this horrendous ordeal.

Cakes!!!

Shanmei celebrated her 26th bday at my place last nite!
It was a surprise and last-minute thing for her.
I didn't even she wanted to come over till 7+pm, cos she's been on bedrest for so long
And I'm v happie on the day she could get out of the house to celebrate her bday,
she came my place with her hubby.
So I got terence to buy a cake home on his way back.

And we surprised her totally!
Was nice. Great to see her chatting, laughing away as the poor girl's been at home for 45 days!
Except to bathe and eat, she's not supposed to move much.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of cakes, I found a new fetish.
Hahha, cakes websites!
They usually taste great, look wonderful and deliver to your place!
Perfect!



I found:

• Savoury Fare --- which is good for customised and quirky designs.



• Getel Cakes -- which has oooh, belly nice cheese cakes



• Awfully Chocolate -- the name says it all, doesn't it?
  
• Sugarly Nice --- Unique cakes. Not cheap, but worth it for Very Special Occasions, i guess.

• Canele Patisserie Chocolaterie
  
  

.....................

Into my 15th week.
My life is now reduced to surviving the rest of this year.
I am just soooo waiting for Xmas.

Yesterday was one of those days I wanted to kill myself.
Stayed home till abt 7pm before i was bursting of boredom.
So I went to Terence's shop for dinner and for a breath of fresh air.
We ate at Maxwell's food centre, a sweltering-hot experience in local cheap dining.
Then took a stroll around before, for some reason, going for KTV.
I was bored and listless and didn't want to see the walls of our house.
He obliged and was itching to sing anyway.
It turned out pretty fun (and cold!) in the end.
I thought we'd probably stay for an hour, but we only left about 1am.
By that time, i was ready to fall flat asleep.

Today, i dragged myself to work so badly.
I had to go. There was no chance of an MC cos I had to finalise the mag before it's sent to print tomorrow morning.
And here i am in the office.

Was thinking of maternity leave this morning.
I've decided the next June/July issue will be my last.
Shall start my maternity leave in mid-July, clearing my leave first.
Then the 12 weeks' paid leave starts proper in August until end October.
I may take another month of unpaid leave in November and only return in Dec.
Not sure what my boss thinks of me taking unpaid leave for a month.
Will discuss with the idiot/moron/fakie after wrapping up this wretched issue.
Eww, poseur ESPN 'soccer babe' Jamie Yeo's on the cover. Bleagh.

Sacrifices

I've realised that more than ever, in this period,
I'll need to depend on myself and my strength/faith a lot.

I'm never good at this.
I've long said pregnancy is a combination of all my greatest fears.
Being sedentary, sickly, weaker, fat, heavy, in pain, bloody.
It's a complete overhaul of my lifestyle.
I need to rely on all I have inside me to pull through this.
It really is much harder than I can imagine.

Whenever things got me down, i used to be able to run it away.
There's nothing a good 5K can't settle.
I can run to the point I only feel my heart beating...and nothing else.
Just me, the road, the trees, the sky and the fresh air.
Sweat it out and all matters big and small are clearer.
But no, now I can't run.

Or i can depend on a bout of good shopping to lift my mood.
But lately, there's nothing much to shop for.
Seeing as I've gone up a size and am pretty demoralised everytime I step into the mall...
It can even be depressing shopping and seeing all the fashionable stick insects about.

I used to be able to count on friends and a cuppa for sheer comfort.
Talk about it, rave and rant, laugh, and another day's problems have passed.
But now, I hardly venture out cos I feel ill and listless most of the time.
My pregnancy is just harder than most, probably cos my body constitution ain't tat strong.

My brothers and sister used to be able to make me laugh, just by being themselves.
Their idiotic, silly rubbish ways makes for good comic relief.
But now, i hardly get to see them as we live 30 minutes apart and...
I can't sit in a moving vehicle for more than 10 mins without throwing up.

So it's really a lot of alone time.
A really tough black patch that will last 1 year.
Things will gradually get much much worse.
Do I regret being pregnant?
I don't know.

On one hand, it is a due confrontation of something I know I want (a baby) but am terribly afraid of.
So on my strong and optimistic days, I choose to see it as a 'sooner or later' thing.
The sooner i deal with all these fears, the stronger and more complete a woman i will emerge.
I do have so much respect for women who are mothers than those svelte pretty young things.
There's always a sense of courage and strength in women who are mothers.
Their lives are more real.

It is really quite an ordeal in today's world.
Where family, kids, domesticity and labour are poo-pooed in favour of a gleaming career, overseas stints, the MBA, condo-car-card, chic parties, independence and solo-solidarity.
You buck the trend by falling pregnant.
Everything society values, you gotta put on hold.
Pregnancy's synonym may as well be S-A-C-R-I-F-I-C-E.

So i need to believe it's worth it.
Having Terence around also makes it more bearable.
He loves kids, and I don't wish to deny him any.
If 1 child is all i can take, let me do it good and well.
Tis gonna be a time of mind over matter....
Wish me luck.













http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,23663,21078222-5006047,00.html


This woman lost 22kg!

It is possible to be fit and healthy and toned after pregnancy...

May I never give up !

ya-ya sisterhood of the divine pregnancy

I can do with some morale-boosting, some sisterhood thingy that I'm not the only one expanding and suffering away.

Even celebs n supermods get it too!

Here's what to Aspire to:

And To Absolutely Steer Very Clear:

Salma Hayek

from here

Have I changed after marriage?
Or is it after the baby?
I seem to have lost a certain focus when it comes to my work and career.
A certain sense of ambition maybe.
Perhaps its only for now, given my bouts of sickness and near-paralysis.
Make it constant, not bouts.

I was sitting at the cafe opposite my office this morning having breakfast alone.
Looking at 3 yuppies sitting in front of me. So immersed in their work meeting.
It was obviously one of those breakfast meetings, al fresco.
And they looked the very picture of corporate likeness.
Expensive watches, check.
Stressed faces, check.
Nicely ironed, crisp shirts, check.
Aggression in the voices, check.
Laptops in power mode, check.
Ambition and competition, very evident.

And I looked at myself.
How far I seemed from these three chaps.
They didn't look very much older, perhaps late 20s or early 30s.
And I wondered if I do aspire for a high-achieving career some day?
A position of prestige, or more responsibilities? A higher rank up the ladder?
Do I even want it?
And i thought, if I do, it probably wouldn't be in editorial or publishing anymore.

There's a sense of nothing new.
I've tried magazines, newspapers and even books.
I've discovered I only really enjoy magazines.
At my current job, I've kinda explored much of whatever's in magazine publishing.
My company is small, things are transparent and hands-on.
In my time here, I've learnt and found out almost how to run the entire magazine.
I've seen how the advertising, sales, circulation etc works.
It's been a great learning curve. I hold the reins and am still enjoying it.
My boss gives me total freedom to learn as much as I want, or to make the most of his resources.
I am as involved as I wish to be. Which is great.
But at some point, perhaps in a year or two, this will not be the place i will be at.
I just know it. Perhaps by next year.
I'm sure the baby will be a turning point in my life.
And I will probably seek new ventures after that.

But wat will it be?
Join another magazine? Do the same thing?
I just don't see it happening.
I've been in magazines since i was 18.
Fashion magazines, community magazines, health magazines......
It's been a long time and I'm itching to try something new.
Besides, journalism/editorial/publishing is hardly where the money's at.
I don't wish to still be writing at 35.

Start a business with my husband?
Go into property?
Marketing? Branding? High fashion retail?
I don't know.
Just a morning thought I wanted to blog about.

My baby is now 5cm.
Fully formed body and organs. All normal.
I'm elated.

I thought of colouring my hair for two weeks.
But i just cannot bear the risk of harming the baby.
There's no scientific for or against the hair chemicals.
Some say it'll reach the baby and may have damages.
Some say its too negligible an amount to cause anything.
Even my doctor say its really up to me.
But oh well, if there's a 1% chance my child is gonna be adversely affected cos of my stupid vanity, then forget it.
I can do with unruly black hair for 6 more months.