guilt trips

New Look.

Never used this colour before...
Green! Luvvv...

Anyway, I am still at work.
On a Sunday afternoon.
Shall not be bogged down by that.
I am finishing work soon anyway.

Met a good fren yesterday -- Jerry Linggo.
For all of one hour at Wisma.
Still, better than nought.

Am going to miss Singapore Fashion Festival after all.
Reuters went out of media passes to go around.
And since...
I am neither writing nor shooting the event,
I am not privvy to the glorious clothes, models and watever.
Which is not bad actually.
Cos i would prefer to spend my Sunday with Terence anyway.
It is the rare day he is off... and i am free, not working.


I feel pangs of guilt for a lot of things recently.
Maybe its the lack of time cos I've been working a lot.
Rendering me helpless to do the things that matter.

Guilt Trips
1. Not visiting my first mother-fren -- Shanmei.
Not even when she lives like 10 minutes away and is having her confinement period.
Thing is, I dun really know wat to do when i'm there either. She is breast-feeding all the time, and feeling tired, drawn-out and not in the best of moods. I am not good with babies or children n pathetic on motherhood issues. So half of me don't really wanna be there either, sitting n looking forlorn. But I know I shld go.


2. Not Saving Enough Money since 2006 started.
I overspent from Xmas till now. That's like a super-extended 3-mth long shopping spree.
Enuf, somebody tell me!

3. Putting pressure on Terence about inane stuff, our house etc.
I know he is feeling pressured by the amount of money he gotta fork out for our house, marriage and on top of that, his monthly $1000 car maintenance. I really shld lighten his load, lighten the mood...but instd of being the understanding supportive wife, I add to his stress. I am disgusting. And this needs immediate rectification. So when i see him in 20 minutes' time, I shall be THE understanding supportive can-u-believe-she-exists wife. Incredible as it sounds.

4. I have not seen my grandmother since my ROM day.
And she also lives 10 minutes away.

5. Not running. Not doing my yoga.
The thing is...I'm sick of putting in so much effort to run, to keep my heart going strong, to pound the great earth...only to have my night shifts come around and screw up everything. And i have to start from scratch. What is the point really? Its too much effort for a lot of disappointment and sore feelings.

6. Not giving my parents enough money.
I am sure they notice the dwindling amounts, but are just too nice to say anything.


To be continued...