hugzz

Zenny is back!
That's a bit of sunshine amidst my domestic dour.

juggling act

Finally, the pics are up!
I get harassed everyday for photos!
But sweet Marco looks lovely, no?
He's like this delicate sweet angel... that can suddenly morph into a strong, fierce crying machine when hungry.

This week, I've ventured out of the house a few times.
Half of Monday, a couple hours today, and for a quick breather in the last 2 nites.
I miss Marco terribly when I'm out.
But when I'm home, I sometimes get so tired of carrying him, coaxing him.

Also, once out, I find myself thinking strange stuff.
Like if i see other women, I'll wonder if they are mothers too.
Like today. I was in the CBD and saw floods of working women scurrying around during lunch-time.
And I kept looking at them wondering if they have kids to tend to after work.
And how they juggle this frentic pace and tough balancing act.
It's easy for the single, young and fancy-free to climb up the corporate ladder, but how does a busy mother do it?

How can she be at work and not miss her children?
How can she be putting her best at work when her real priority is wailing and needing her at home?
How does she live with the fact that she may be missing the best part of her child's short childhood?
How does she avoid under-performing at work, what with the distractions and tension of motherhood?
How does she live with the guilt + pressure?

Something's gotta give.
I guess I will know very soon.

Looking at Marco, I know my life has changed forever.
He works up the strangest & strongest emotions in me.
Love, fear, pride, joy, faith, contentment, motivation, determination, hope.
And he's insanely handsome!

My lil prince

Can I ever be more in love?

the postnatal days

Yesterday, i sneaked out for a while.
Which, if you dunno, is taboo during Chinese confinement.
It felt great though, the whole sneaky-sneaky part of it.
I went for a blow-dry at Terence's fren's salon.
Then for a quick coffee before gog for the important meeting.
No, i wasn't sneaking out to go shopping or anything.

Then we brought baby to the clinic at Paragon.
Almost like a whole day out! Splendid.
I feel (almost) sane.

I wanna talk about this confinement thing.
Surprising myself, i have total respect for this strange month-long ritual.
It is indeed tough not being allowed to shower + wash ur hair for 30 days.
Apparently, this introduces 'wind' into your system, and you will be cursed with migraines + ailments for the rest of your life.
Well, it may not be as bad as what the old folks say, but i do think there's a grain of truth in there somewhere.
I don't keep to it as strictly... but 'customise' it to the best of my discipline.
Now, i bathe+ shampoo about every 5 days.
But in the first week, i endured the grease for 7 days!

I indeed feel better.
It's strange.
My body gets cold v fast after birth, and taking a shower worsens it.
I went to vivocity on Sunday and was shivering in an ultra-packed mall.
Besides, my super-modern mum did not do confinement in her day and till today, she is battling a futile war against her headaches + migraines.
Getting rid of the mysterious 'wind' supposedly repairs ur inner intestinal system too.

Another part of the revered confinement is eating loads of ginger.
I think i've had enuf for this lifetime.
My nanny even prepares a half-cup of pure ginger 'juice' for me to down with the rice.
I appreciate the effort...but it can be pretty hard to stomach 12 days in a row.
And counting...

What else? Ah, cold stuff are forbidden.
So, no iced water, no soft drinks, no desserts, not even chilled milk!
But I respect this tradition and to an extent, believe in its healing ways.
It's an interesting month, to say the least.
But don't worry, I'm not some well-greased machine hibernating at home.
I still have a complete wipe-down every morning, so am still squeaky-clean!

Another big lifesaver is the Indonesian jamu massage + wrap.
I engaged this Malay lady who's gotta be one of the best in her line.
She gives this traditional treatment a modern twist, giving me lots of info abt my body ailments, aches & postnatal damage.
What is unseen is worst, i realise.

I dunno why women are punished for giving birth.
You almost sacrifice your entire body.
Like, do you know your ab muscles 'split', such that there is a huge gap just below your ribs?
It takes weeks for the gap to close, but deliberate and constant massage helps.
And even when it closes, it can take you months to earn back those muscles.
Not to fighting-fit shape, just to its original strength.

Your uterus also needs help shrinking back, as it expands 1,000 (!!!) times during the pregnancy.
Of cos, there's no escaping the ugly cellulite.
Although to the experts, cellulite is a small worry as it's only superficial and unsightly, causing relatively little damage overall.
But it sure is hideous!
In bad cases, some women can develop " bulging pockets" of cellulite on the outside of their hips and thighs.
The Malay auntie told me this is common, especially if weight gain is too fast and the women already have 'hard fats' to begin with.

Listening to her anecdotes abt all her clients' problems is super addictive.
And there are her stories of how her richer clients go for liposuction after birth, and end up with pockets of fats in weird spots.
Like this Indonesian tai-tai who removed the fats from her upper back.
She certainly went down a few dress sizes, but now lives with fat armpits!
Who'd have thought???

As the Malay auntie puts it so well - there is simply no short cut.
You can be the richest, vainest pot out there, but u still gotta diet + exercise like the rest of 'em.
She even says her massage is but a complementary treatment at best, not the cure-all in the battle of the bulge.

And then there's the milk-pumping.
I am May-Milk-Machine-Kek for this month.
Or call me Cow for short.
At least that's how i feel every four hours or at least 6 times a day.
Pumping milk for the lil' rascal...
I don't want to introduce formula milk yet, as breast milk is best for baby.
Telling myself everyday not to sabotage his potential IQ cos of my laziness and inconvenience.
So yes, i will keep pumping away, for another 1-2 weeks at least.

So, in a blog entry, that's kinda my lifestyle for now.
Sticking to confinement regulations, jamu massage, intensive milk-pumping and baby-cradling for now.
Not the most enviable lifestyle out there, but it's like a whole new world for me.
Wish me more luck.

Marco Woo

It has been exactly a week and 2 long days since I gave birth.
No, the earth didn't shatter and rock.
No, i didn't bleed to my own death from the pain and horror.
Yes, i produced a baby human being from within me (isn't that freaky?).
Yes, i actually managed to deliver naturally, albeit with an epidural.
Yes, i did it. And thanks, once was enough.

It has been the most trying week of my life.
Even that sounds understated and simplistic.
Make it most ghoulish, hellish week.
And - gasp! - it isn't from the pain or recovery etc.

It's from looking after Marco Woo.
He is a lil' rascal waiting to be unleashed.
Me and terence are FLAT-OUT & BURNT.
I dunno how long i can pull this off....and this is despite me having full-time help for now.
My confinement nanny has been fantastic.
No, make that miraculous.
Hiring her's gotta be one of the best decisions i ever made in this lifetime.
She preserves our sanity, period.

Admittedly, to this day, i have yet to change a soiled diaper or bathed marco.
But its ok, i have 3 weeks to learn.
(Has anyone noticed how baby's poo looks & smells super-gross?)

Our initial euphoria and ectasy has withered somewhat.
The first 2 days in hospital were luxurious and so easy that we were fooled into thinking we'd lucked on to something good.
Well...the baby is good...but i'm afraid our lives have suffered permanent collateral damage.
No way will me and terence ever be the same again.

As it is, we take about 3 hours to finish a dinner.
What with intermittents of incessant wailing, flare-ups, feedings and nappy changes.
There seems 697 new things in the house, thanks to baby.
We now house never-before lifesavers like wet wipes (i must have cleared the stock in NTUC), Pampers, cotton balls, pails, thermal flasks, sterilisers, sucking teats & bottles, cloth nappies, breast pumps.......... even a new rail jus to hang those miniature clothes.

A moment's peace and quiet is savoured in lust.
We haven't watched TV in a week.
I haven't stepped out of the house since i was discharged.
I look worse than when i was pregnant.
My hair's never been more dishevelled.
Terence collapses on the sofa every night - flat out from exhaustion - and i have to lug him to bed.
We are breaking the bank with the hospital bills, baby stuff, confinement nanny fees, etc etc.

It is impossible to describe the MADNESS of this period.
Compared to this, the 10-month pregnancy was a walk in the park.
My only plea: when will it end?


Vital Stats
Name: Marco Woo Teng Yat (Hu Ding Yi)
Birthday: 13 September 2007
Time of Birth: 12.22pm
Weight at Birth: 3.060kg
Blood Group: B+
Age: 9 days (as of 21 Sept 2007)
Current weight: 3.2kg
Hobbies: Drink milk, sleep, cry, pee and poo

random thoughts

Feeling: Fat + lousy (these 2 alwaz go together eh?)

Listening to: Amy Winehouse

Thinking: Why did i order the horrible Pizza Hut just now? I will swear off cheese forever.

Regretting: What i ate

Wishing: For the baby to bloody come out already and stop wasting my time

Deliberating: Whether to hit Vivocity for a walk and burn some calories

Looking: at the air-conditioner above me

Missing: all the good times before i got fat

Confirming: that i will not get pregnant ever again

Praying: for a miracle painless birth + super postnatal shrinkage + a healthy normal baby (not in order)

DV

Finally completed D.V - the autobiography of the late legendary Harper's Bazaar and Vogue editor Diana Vreeland.
She's a very unique and interesting character, more so her writing and expressions.
It's very archaic, quaint, elegant, chic and expressive.
Very different to how we talk and write these days.
There's sort of a European elegance to everything she sees, does, observes etc. A certain joie de vivre to her own life and society and the interesting characters of her time, including her enigmatic friend Coco Chanel.
People and society just seemed more refined then.
Everything was made to order, made to last forever, everyone had personalities and had their quirks and wits celebrated.

So different from our era, where everything is instant, cheap, fast, replaceable and dispensable.
The old-school glamour and elegance was all very very chic.


There seemed a certain splendour to life and things that we now lack, or have been replaced, by the coldness and anonymity of technology and pace.






On another note, here's Iman looking like nothing her age (she's 52).
Is it possible?? She's about my mum's age!!!
It was really distracting seeing this photo....like some impossible biological apparition.

watching the days go by...

It's a slow and boring week.

Into my 38/39th week and still no sight of baby.

What's wrong with me/him????!!!!

Anyway, saw the doc yesterday and he said...

Practically no chance baby will pop for the next 7 days.

So... more waiting......

Was so bored I braced myself for a short shopping jaunt at Raffles City ystday.

Wasn't too bad, though my stamina (lack thereof, that is) is embarassing.

Within 45 minutes, i was looking for a cafe and a good drink.

In my hey day, I could pace from Far East Plaza to Plaza Sing, twice over, in a day!

But it was nice to be out.

Altho i hadn't the mood to buy anything, it's nice to see what's out there.

Warehouse's latest collection and new-look boutique is lovely, as is River Island's.

Nice bags of the season from Furla and there's a good sale at Nine West.

Raffles City seem to be undergoing a major makeover at Level 1, so a bit sian walking ard cordoned areas.

But Basement One is still alive n kicking, and i loved the salmon munchies from that Jap cheeseballs stall.

Then today, me and Terence went for a short walk at Ngee Ann City.

Quite embarassing to bump into 2 colleagues - they all think i'm nursing at home or something!

We spent most of the time at the designer baby section...

Think Terence's got a new obsession - designer babywear!

He keeps wanting to get those baby stuff from Ralph Lauren, Baby Guess, Burberry and DKNY kids!

I told him he's mad -- those expensive tiny garments won't last more than 3 months.

Think he's influenced by his fellow dad-to-be fren, who bought a dozen sets of Gap Baby stuff for his daughter.

But i do admit the Ralph Lauren mini polo tee is quite adorable.

At shopping trips like these, i wish i have fraternal twins.

So i have a girl to dress too!

She'll be a Mini-Me, and it will be soooo fun playing dress-up!

Meanwhile, we're trying to do up the nursery.

Altho it's freaking difficult, cos my mum-in-law insists no hacking/drilling/reno be done while I'm still pregnant.

It's an old wives' tale about how these will result in baby having pockmarks all over.

Oh well....

Anyway, we have planned to add a customised light blue wardrobe, a white display shelf, some photo frames for the wall and probably a rug.

We even seriously contemplated re-painting the room, but decided not to cos of the mess and trouble involved.

Besides, it's probably not good for the baby to sleep in a freshly-painted room, breathing in all that residual toxic or watever.

The funny thing, having a nursery doesn't seem to be the trend in Singapore.

No one cares about having a nice baby room --- only foreign websites/stores have it.

Local stores don't stock infant furniture too, just the few cribs and cots.

Well, i guess with everyone staying in pathetic cramped HDB flats, nursery space just doesn't figure in most parents' plans.

It's quite sad for baby to grow up in a makeshift/rojak room, no?

taking his own sweet time

It's 1st September!!!
When exactly is my baby coming out?????