bought a beautiful bag!

Spent the whole of today shopping.
My off days are flying past too fast.
Everyday there seems a list of things for me to do.
Bef i set off each day...
I write down what to do, who to call back and wat to get.
And bef i know it, today is Thursday.
With yes, yet another long list to complete.

Its exactly a week before my marriage.
Actually its faster than anyone thinks.
As of tomorrow (Fri), there is no turning back.
Dunno if this is common knowlegde,
But a couple needs to verify their documents n witnesses' documents at ROM before the ceremony itself.
The key thing is... Once u verified ur stuff, there's no cancelling anymore.
U may as well have signed the marriage contract.
Almost.

So yea, its more like... Friday is the day.
Which is oh, less than 24 hours away.

I was jus telling terence (for the whole wk actually) how scared i am of the whole thing.
Somewh along the transition from months to weeks to days...
The excitement n anticipation spawned some fear as well.
Yes, there's this knotty tight feeling i can't explain.
A feeling that... I've chosen to grow up.
Chosen to not live selfishly, independently and for me n myself only.
As we have mostly been brought up to think and do.

Instd, i shall now share my life with someone else.
Everyth in my life.
My CPF, my pithy salary, my dreams, my family, my worries, my bad habits, my aspirations, my space, my heart, my soul.
Together, we will share our lives in the hope that the 'we' is more purposeful than the 'me' we were.
Joining our strengths n bests, and hopefully, not let our idiot habits kill it in between.

Who knows if such a gamble works?
Nick asked me that day... so y do u wanna get married?
I said I dunno... and he couldn't beliv i said it.
I probably meant i dunno how to explain it to him.
Its not like i wanted to get married.
I could see it somewhere over the rainbow certainly... but terence probably saw it nearer.
And since i saw the confidence and love in his eyes, i decided to plunge headlong.
Why not?


Ok, enuf of this marriage thing.
Jus shut up n do it!

Had my first jewellery class today.
It was a class of 4.
Pretty fun. Tougher than i thought.
Who'd hav thought that joining those teeny weeny bead stuff required strength?
But very satisfying.
Thinking of how n where to learn more alredi.

:)

Today is 13 Feb.
No big deal except i finally MANAGED to get my ass off the bed at 640am for a deadly morning run.

Gosh...i was so steady the last time... like 2mths back.
The crazy nite shifts in January killed my routine n discipline...
And now in the middle of Feb,
I am paying the price.
Wah lau...that 20 minutes was damn tough!
I HATE IT!
but oh, i think i am repeat my self-inflicted agony/torture tomorrow.

What is it about running that is so sickening n alluring at the same time?
I mean, i sweat bucket-loads, look my worst, feel like shit, and worst of all,
makes me wake up at unearthly hours (slf-inflicted oso, cos i can't seem to run any other time of the day)............. but i so wanna do it everyday. Or every other day.

The morning air, the heart beating pathetically to catch up with ur feet,
the deceptive sense of feeling free n able-bodied.
It just makes me feel more alive than any other physical exhaustion.
Anyway, how long more can i run the way i do without feeling like i can't take it?
10 years? 15 years?
I'm proud of myself...i really ran. Not strolled, not jogged...but paces faster n longer.


8 more days before i get hitched.
I bought my ROM dress yesterday...and a silly bag to go with it.
I didn't really want the bag...didn't think it was fantastic or anything.
But i am so evil... i tink i jus wanted terence to spend more money on me and to feel pampered.
Yes, I am an idiot. And a very bad wife-to-be.
Gosh...i think tis the first time i using the word wife.
It jus sent shivers down every nerve.

My mum bought me a diamond bracelet.
Impressive... it was like $3k plus.
What will I do without my mummy?
A diamond-less, perpetually broke girl.


Wish List
1. Pilates classes
2. Shoes to go with my ROM white dress. (silver kitten heels)
3. Acrylic pedicure to hide my disgusting running-shoes-destroyed toenails
4. Brown leather roomy bag
5. V-day gift my Terence

fall at your feet

Have been working with some of my favourite colleagues this week.
And i gotta admit it's been making me reconsider quitting.
Sigh. Damn if i do, damned if i don't.

We've been doing the sick morning shift where it starts at 6am.
And cos we end by 3-4pm, we'll head for coffee almost everyday.
At IKEA cafe or holland v.
I cannot deny i really like this.
This the first job where i have colleagues that can -honestly speaking - be my frens.
Outside of work, i really do treat them like frens.
Besides, most of us have similar backgrounds... mass comm, media, same age grp etc.
And they are not the bitchy, glam types at Mediacorp or wherever....
They are mostly guys, and they are the typical Singaporean kind.
Y'know, kopitiams, kopi-o, teh-si sit down talk cock kind.

These are also the people who know i'm not as aggressive or competitive or bitchy in the office as some others. So they do look out for me in some way, and make sure i'm not being taken advantage of at work. One of them in our 'gang' is an editor -- altho we hardly relate to him as one -- and he even defends me sometimes during meetings. I cannot say i am not touched.

I know its easy to think everyth is rosy and pretty n nice when i'm not on the night shifts.
But when hell strikes, I always feel like throwing in the towel.
Oh well....lets see how long i can take it.

Everyone's looking forward to the April bonus, pithy as it is.
So perhaps i'll join the crowd.
Besides, its not like i have any remotely attractive job offer waiting in the wings.