time, the lack of

Was reading my younger sis's blog today.
And she wrote abt a lot of things, including some parent visit.
And i jus feel so removed...cos i had no idea this happened.
Apparently, it was quite dramatic.

I feel so robbed of time.
I work, then have to divide my time among my siblings, parents, frens, boyfren, his frens, my colleagues...
Even on my off-days,
I hardly have an hour to myself...

I dun mind it, its just tat...
I sometimes feel like i'm neglecting certain pp.
Poeple whom i love, people who are important to me, central to my life.
Like if i'm always hanging ard with my frens, my boyfren....
Then i feel like I'm not spending enuf time at home.
And vice versa.
And u always feel like u are not doing enough.
Sigh.
I wish there were 2 of me!
Or 48 hours in a day!

As usual, I gotta go.

xin

Conflicting feelings.

D, at work.
G, in Melb.
XXX, at Tango's.
And T, who's always around me.

Am i ready to settle down?
Make a commitment?
Be in a stable relationship again?

It will be my sixth shot at it.
What makes me think it'll turn out better than all the others before?
The fact that I'm older, supposedly wiser and more rational?
Less childish, temperamental, immature, naive, foolhardy?

I alredi know my choice.
It's just that I'm so blase about it that it surprises even myself.
No butterflies in the stomach, no anxiety..but a simple basic joy and contentment.
Is tis how it becomes as we get older?

This is one relationship where he may give more than me.
Which is good.
One of the best advice i heard is..
Find a man who loves you more than you love him.
I think i just did.

He's a very simple guy. A guy who lives for his family and friends.
A very loyal, down-to-earth, humble, family-loving, sweet, kind guy.
So simple that he removes me from all that stress at work.
Sometimes, i think i enjoy meeting him so much aft work cos he belongs to a totally diff world.
I think he doesn't even half understand the complexities of journalism.
To him, Reuters is the news company that supplies some of his soccer news on the back pages of The New Paper. He has no clue how major and huge it is.
That, and the huge grand building in Science Park where he picks me up from work.

There's no complexities with him.
He's straightforth and has nothing to hide.
Loves his family, his friends, his WRX, soccer, his business...

There is no point waiting for G.
Who may or may not come back.
Besides, what makes me think things will be good once he's back?
I nv know half the truths in half his relationships.
And he does too little.
Kinda like a disappointment that i dun wanna give up on.
But how long can I wait?
He once said we'll get married when he comes back.
I didn't believe him.
But neither did i not believe him.
Cos he is not the type to joke.
In the first place, he hardly says much.
It's sad to let him go.
But i have just about enough of distant relationships.

D is too immature.
I can tell he hasn't reached that age in a man where he's confident in himself,
Where he's ready to settle down.
He smacks of a certain insecurity, all too common in guys too young.
He's only 26, and doesn't seem to have figured out what exactly he wants in life.

I think i shld be fair to T and be fair to myself and jus make up my bloody mind.
April 4 - my brother's 20th birthday.
And the dawn of my new relationship.
He's waited long enough.
And I've avoided relationships long enough.
I guess it's time to take the plunge.
Wish me luck.
:)